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shockwave33
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read my profile
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Name: Joel
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: College Station
Birthday: 3/20/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Metal, rock, techno, football, shotput, physics, furry art, sleeping, eating
Expertise: being me, stuff, writing political articles, digital photography, being unlucky, sthuff (notice the h), and yoink
Occupation: Student
Industry: Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
MSN: unearnedavalanche@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  rhiakath_lycan
Member Since:
7/29/2003
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| I must put this before the following
short story. It is my disclaimer. It is my statement that I
take no responsibility for feelings hurt or inspirations strong.
I just feel desensitized to the world right now, to the people around
me. I just really don't give much of two shits right now about
anything, except my love of course. So take this like the jagged
pill it is, and write it off as whatever you feel. Enjoy my
friends.
I stepped into the shower, turning the knobs, letting the
water spray against the wall. The spray
hit my skin, giving me a jolt. Ok ok ok,
I’m awake. It finally gets warm, and I
turn the head back towards the center of the shower. Is it possible to be alive and not have to
breath? I swear, that’s what it feels
like when I just stand there for the five or so minutes I start off my showers
with. Just gathering my thoughts, its as
if I’m really not even there, just not.
How long am I going to go along with this stereotype? How long am I just going to feel empty
inside? I know I am capable of love, but
am I able to find it? I thought I had. But no, I was just his side salad. How does one comes to this point? I’ve become so desensitized about sex, little
much surprises me anymore. Am I a whore
for that reason? Or is it just because
I’m gay? Pat Robertson thinks so. So does the entire 700 Club. Should I even listen to them, or should I
listen to my friends, or should I listen to my head (both of em?), or my
heart? Geez, I think the last time I
listened to my heart, it was 5 years ago and it told me to move to New
York City. Oh
yeah, haha, that’s why I never take its advice anymore. Let’s see, how many have I had since
then? Innumerable men, older, younger,
fatter, skinnier, black, greek, chinese, two hamburgers, and what do you guys
want to drink? I’ve had sex in a room
where two other couples were doing it too, including two very butch lesbians
who coulda probably kicked my ass.
Condoms, yeah. Condoms, no. AIDS, not yet. Thank goodness, don’t know how I’ve avoided
that one. I would attribute it as a gift
from God, but according to Pat Robertson and my Waffle Crisp cereal on Sunday
mornings, AIDS would be God’s gift to a fag like me. Me and Pat are pals. We’re just on that level. But, damn, how did I get to this point? Oh yeah.
Well, shit, I tried to promise myself that I wouldn’t get all
political. I used to be, it’s a fucking
waste of time. The only benefits are for
the next generation, I’m not going to see marriage. I want to see it, I’m tired of this life I’ve
been assigned to. And I’m tired of
yelling at close-minded weenies who just yell back. Anyways, this life that I’ve had to
lead. I can and I do blame it on
society. The Christian right calls us
sinners and hellbound, and hates us for that reason alone. They persecute us because of who we love and
whom we are attracted to. Yeah, ok, if
God created us all in his own image, then why can’t you all accept gays? Aren’t we just in his image as well. Hell, what if God is a girl. That would be pretty sweet. Wouldn’t it Pat? So we are persecuted, and we are told we are
not allowed to love or be with whom we love for the rest of our lives. So we adapt, and we find temporary comfort. Yeah, temporary comfort is today’s password
for sex. We find as much comfort as we
can because society doesn’t grant it to us.
Then, the Christian right uses that as their slogan points against gay
marriage. “Some gay men sleep with over
500, even 1000 partners in their lifetimes!
LET THEM BURN IN HELL!!!” Well,
so that only further persecutes us, drives us away, and drives us into the arms
of the 1001st mans arms in our life. See the circular logic yet? Why don’t I have a man behind me, inside me
right now in this shower? I’m wasting
time aren’t I Pat? So, if you are
wondering why the gay culture is one of Pride and glitz and glamour, multiple
partners in a night, hell, at once, you have your solution. “Don’t listen to me though,” I say to myself
in the shower, the towel around my waist, brushing my teeth. I have another party to go to in about 30
minutes, I have more sex to have in about 2 hours, I have a date with Pat
Robertson and Waffle Crisp in about 7 hours.
I’m gay, I’ve had maybe 348 partners in my life, give or take a
few. I want a love of my life. I want a white picket fence. I want a Jetta, and another car to be right
next to it. The car of my husband, the
love of my life. I want to just be with
a person I love forever, rather than temporary comfort. But that’s just for heterosexuals isn’t
it? So yes heterosexuals, enjoy your
marriage and your Jettas and your white picket fences. Enjoy your religion of peace and love.
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| Ground Rules: The first player
of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" (or
weird facts) and people who get tagged need to write a xanga entry
about their 5 queer habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the
end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and lit their
xanga ID's. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged"
in their xanga and tell them to read yours.
1. I always have to have the shower water really cold pouring over my head before i get out.
2. My room is never ever clean even if i clean it.
3. I'm a mild hypochondriac and have a mild case of OCD.
4. I get off on the Fightin Texas Aggie Band.
5. I wish I was a Polar Bear or a wolf rather than a human
People I'm tagging: no one, because i'm an asshole like that, sorry natalie, teehee
expect a real edit later on tonite peeps
| | |
| ***Come get me tipper gore and you bastards at the RIAA, I've illegally
downloaded the whole RAMMSTEIN NEW ALBUM---- ROSENROT!!!! IT FUCKING
ROCKS, i've also downloaded Shakira's La Tortura, and damn, that song
kicks ass, and i've also downloaded The Girl Next Door, which is a
fucking great movie... with boobies *shudders*****
so yo yo yo yo, what be up foolios, thats the only update you get
and no courtney, you are the best pool partner ever
| | |
| *and now for some song lyrics, which present my present mood..*
first, GREEN DAY'S "HOLIDAY", which billy joe intro'd with "And this next song is a big f*ck you to President Bush!!!"
Say, Hey!
Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name
Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday
Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find, the money's on the other side
Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, a plastic bag on a monument
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday
(Hey!)
(Say, Hey!)
"The representative from California has the floor"
Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
This is our lives on holiday
The next is one of my favorite eminem songs, "MOSH"
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America
And to the Republic for which it stands
One nation under God
Indivisible...
It feels so good to be back..
I scrutinize every word, memorize every line
I spit it once, refuel and re-energize and rewind
I give sight to the blind, my insight through the mind
I exercise my right to express when I feel it's time
It's just all in your mind, what you interpret it as
I say to fight, you take it as I'mma whip someone's ass
If you don't understand, don't even bother to ask
A father who has grown up with a fatherless past
Who has blown up now to rap phenomenon that has
Or at least shows no difficulty multi-task
And in juggling both perhaps mastered his craft
Slash entrepreneur who has helped launch a few more rap acts
Who's had a few obstacles thrown his way through the last half
Of his career typical manure moving past that
Mr. kisses ass crack, he's a class act
Rubber band man, yea he just snaps back
[Chorus:]
Come along follow me as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me and I won't steer you wrong
Put your faith and your trust as I guide us through the fog
To the light at the end of the tunnel
We gonna fight, we gonna charge, we gonna stomp, we gonna march
Through the swamp, we gonna mosh through the marsh
Take us right through the doors (c'mon)
All the people up top on the side and the middle
Come together lets all bomb and swamp just a little
Just let it gradually build from the front to the back
All you can see is a sea of people some white and some black
Don't matter what color, all that matters we gathered together
To celebrate for the same cause don't matter the weather
If it rains let it rain, yea the wetter the better
They ain't gonna stop us they can't, we stronger now more than ever
They tell us no we say yea, they tell us stop we say go
Rebel with a rebel yell, raise hell we gonna let em know
Stomp, push, shove, mush, Fuck Bush, until they bring our troops home (c'mon)
[Chorus]
Imagine it pouring, it's raining down on us
Mosh pits outside the oval office
Someone's tryina tell us something,
Maybe this is god just sayin' we're responsible
For this monster, this coward,
That we have empowered
This is Bin Laden, look at his head noddin'
How could we allow something like this without pumping our fists
Now this is our final hour
Let me be the voice in your strength and your choice
Let me simplify the rhyme just to amplify the noise
Try to amplify the times it, and multiply by six...
Teen million people, Are equal at this high pitch
Maybe we can reach alqueda through my speech
Let the president answer a higher anarchy
Strap him with an Ak-47, let him go, fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way
No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil
No more psychological warfare, to trick us to thinking that we ain't loyal
If we don't serve our own country, we're patronizing a hero
Look in his eyes its all lies
The stars and stripes, they've been swiped, washed out and wiped
And replaced with his own face, Mosh now or die
If I get sniped tonight you know why,
Cause I told you to fight.
[Chorus]
And as we proceed,
To Mosh through this desert storm,
In these closing statements, if they should argue
Let us beg to differ
As we set aside our differences
And assemble our own army
To disarm this Weapon of Mass Destruction
That we call our President, for the present
And Mosh for the future of our next generation
To speak and be heard
Mr. President, Mr. Senator
Do you guy's hear us...hear us...[laughing]
if you have these songs, listen to them once again, i mean really
listen, and think about what they mean for a few moments and think
about what all this has to do with you
| | |
| *The following is an article on gay
rights in America... it is a rough draft, has not been edited and is in
progress. Take it as such. Though, all views held in it are
my own, and as such, I do not care whom they offend or whom they
inspire, for they are simply my own. I expect a degree of respect
to be taken towards my views, as I will respect any viewpoint brought
to my attention.*
Let's see what we can do with this. I
don't know how I will form my arguments, or what order they will be
presented in, nor is this the first or last writing I will be putting
out
on the subject. I think to start off, I need to establish the two
basic tenets of my argument; these next two statements are the basis of
what I believe and will remain constant throughout all that I talk
about. Number one: Homosexuality is not a choice. Number
two: To introduce any legislation that is anti-gay in nature is to
discriminate against citizens
of this country, the same citizens that have the inalienable rights to "life, liberty and
the pursuit of happiness.
Now, to expand and to delve into the depths of this
argument. I will start with point number two first. I am an
American citizen, I am able to vote, I am able to serve my military if
I were to be drafted, although I could pull the "Gay Card" like Jimmi
Hendrix. I have a social security number, I am simply put, an
American citizen. To introduce any laws that are anti-gay in
nature or discriminatory against gays is to take away my
Constitutionally-given rights. I would basically be no longer
considered a member of this nation. Now, beyond the scale of the
individual human beings that these laws affect, how do these types of
laws affect the country itself? Simple. If an amendment was
added to our constitution stating that marriage was between a man and a
woman, this would successfully introduce discrimination into our
guiding document. A part of the American people would suddenly be
prohibited their right to pursue happiness, a basic belief of our
republic. This would make the Constitution contradictory and thus
void, undoing over 225 years of successful governance by this
document. Our country would basically no longer have a
Constitution, because it would be worthless because it would
discriminate against the very people it was put in place to protect...
American citizens. Ok, we can come back to this later if it is
felt neccessary, let us move to point number one.
This is the basic disagreement between the two sides
of this continuous debate. The simple facts are that
homosexuality is not a choice. Period. I personally cannot
stand when straight people say this to me, because I have heard
multitudes of stories of gay people saying that if they had the CHOICE,
they would not be gay simply to escape the ridicule and hate society
puts towards them. There is scientific evidence, yes early and
not completely confirmed and retested, but scientific evidence
nonetheless, that a homosexual person's brain functions differently
than a heterosexual person's brain when it comes to physical
responses. It is not a choice. Could Jerry Falwell go out
tomorrow and decide to have sex with a man? Could Dubya?
No, because they are heterosexual men, and they cannot simply choose to
be gay. Same on the other side of the river, I simply cannot go
out tomorrow and have sex or an intimate relationship with a girl, I
just cannot do it because I do not have that interest.
Now to the center of the debate, the issue of gay
marriage. I have not done enough research, but I believe I am
correct in most of what follows. The part about marriage being in
a church is simply because of tradition, because people have seemingly
always been married in churches by preachers, pastors, cardinals,
rabbis, etc. The thing is, a marriage in today's society is a
social and law contract. Hence, the rampant marriages in Las
Vegas without a minister. A person simply has to have the power
given to them by the state they reside in to marry people, and off they
may go. There is no requirement to be a religious official, none
at all. Also, to be married, you must sign a contract type
document with the state, and you must even pay a fee. I looked up
a few different examples of marriage vows as well, and the vast
majority of vows I found hold no mention of God or religion within
them. Recap: -Only need to be married by someone with the power
given to them by the state -Married couples must sign a legal
document with the state I believe in order to be considered married
-The ceremony itself has very little if any, most of the time, mention
of religion or God. If marriage were a church issue, then how do
atheists or pagans or wiccans
get married? Also, the primary point that we gays are trying to
push with this issue is the extremely large number of rights gained
from being married. I heard at the Amendment 2 Debate the other
day (Amendment 2 is the special amendment in Nov. for Texas, and it
defines marriage between a man and woman, gag me) that there are over
1000 rights given to married couples that single people do not
have. Let me restate that extremely, extremely important
point. OVer 1000 rights are afforded to married couples that are
not available to single persons. I have heard many stories from
elderly homosexual couples that because they are not married to their
partner, when their partner becomes deathly ill, they cannot see them
because they are not family. I have heard stories go so far as
the family of the deceased legally not allowing the partner to attend
the funeral. That is absolutely disgusting. To be denied to
see the one you have loved for so long for one last time simply because
you are not allowed to be married, its sickening and one of the most
tragic things I find in our society today. This must change, and
change soon.
Next, speaking of disgust, I feel not only insulted
but horrified when anti-gay groups use the argument that if we allow
these 'deviants' (ie gay people) to marry, then a man could marry his
horse, or he could marry a little boy. It takes all my strength
not to simply strike out at this person at this point, because I have
just been compared to an animal in an insulting way and I have also
just been referred to as a pedophile. Can I barf yet? There
is a simple rebuttal to both of these arguments that seems to always be
overlooked. Marriage has been defined as a union between two
consenting adults, and I'm sure the same would go for gay marriage as
well. A horse is not a consenting human adult, they aren't even a
citizen of the human race, let alone the United States of America, and
nor is a small child. Sickening argument struck down. These
are also not the cases in the few European countries that have fully
legalized gay marriages since the late 90's. Society has not
crumbled into further examples of 'deviance' in these countries, so I
believe that it would then not be a problem here as well. Gay
marriage is no longer a social experiment, it never really has
been. It is just the conservative base that wishes to label it
that way in order to get their way in passing discriminatory
legislation.
The next issue I feel the need to address is that of
'gay recruiting.' This is the notion that homosexuals are
recruiting young children to be gay, to come over to the 'gay
side.' When I hear this idea spoken out loud, I wonder if the
person who speaks it even knows what they are saying. There is no
recruiting going on, as being gay is NOT A CHOICE. Being a
homosexual is there from the start, it is not something that can be
imparted upon a person like calculus or religion. This goes along
with the fact that there is no, I repeat, NO correlation between the
amount of gay couples with adopted children and the amount of those
children that are gay. This would seem to be the most extreme way
to recruit if we gay people chose to, and yet, kids that have two moms
or two dads are not more likely to turn out gay; they are more open
minded which makes them better fit for the broad spectrum society which
we live in. I would not be wrong when I say that it is more
likely that society is trying to recruit kids into the heterosexual
'lifestyle' based upon the fact that almost every aspect of our society
is heterosexually based.
To wrap up this initial venture into this broad and
far-reaching subject, I will argue an emotion-based viewpoint about gay
adoption. If, as many "pro-family" organizations state, a family
needs a mom and a dad in order to create a functional, loving family,
then obviously single-parent families and gay-parent families are not
functional and loving. This is dead wrong and insulting once
again. Many great people have been from single parent families or
broken families, and so do not say that those are not loving environments. A family has one
simple requirement: LOVE. If two men love each other, they should
be allowed to marry. If they want a child, they should be allowed
to adopt, as long as they love that child. All a child needs to
develop and grow properly is love, and gay couples would be able to
provide
that just as well as heterosexual couples. There is no recruiting
going on, there is simply a family loving each other and enriching each
other's lives.
I say a few things in conclusion... families are based upon love.
closets are made for clothes, not people. i am an american, i
love another man, and yet my country is ready to deny me my
constitutionally and naturally given right of the pursuit of
happiness. Our society faces its next civil rights issue in gay
rights. Let us not take a step backwards into the days of
segregation and slavery, lets us rather step forward, hand in hand,
minds open to the world, ready to love one another for who they are,
and ready to love our fellow human being.
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